Sunday, 19 February 2017

Riverdale 'Chapter One: The River's Edge' Photo Recap

I have a secret. A guilty pleasure if you will. It happens to be a soft spot for a certain two CW shows. Don't hate me. I thought I'd channel my current need to write with my current desire to do nothing but lie in bed and be lazy, add a dash of inspiration from my favourite The 100 photo recapper  and do a Riverdale photo recap. CW, you fill the hole in my heart left by my departure from teenagehood. Somehow, I feel 15 again, only this time I LOVE IT.

So without further ado, let's begin.


True to form, the show begins with a dramatic narration about a town, a small town, unlike other small towns, but a town nonetheless. Did I mention it's a small town? Well, this one's called Riverdale. Surprisingly enough.

Our story begins with a story. Of twins who went out rowing in very unsuitable attire (red high heels? Matching whites? I smell some weird Lannister shizzle going on) and only one returns. Except she doesn't return, she just waits on a rock, dripping, in the hopes that someone will find her. Very typical behaviour of someone who's just lost their brother in a freak storm boat accident. Lucky for her, a group of boy scouts emerge. Who'd have thought? Hmm, I smell something fishy. Potential suspect no.1.


They search and search for the lost redhead, but to no avail. He is gone, presumed dead, with no body to be found. 


Pan to random couple (for the time being) commenting on how sad they are about the loss of this boy, NOT. Red Herring alert? Or suspect no.2?

And then we move into a typical teenage drama scene. Girl likes boy next door. Been friends forever. He's been away for the summer and over 3 months has transformed into a Sex God. Of course they have rooms overlooking each others and of course he just happens to be semi naked at the window at the exact moment her friend looks out. So natural. So unstaged. So non-stereotypical. So ORIGINAL. Sigh. He's hot though, I give em that.


They meet at our glorious Pop's, the central meeting spot of the Riverdale universe. And catch up on their summer vacay. Lots of gooey eyes on our dear Betty's part. Archie, not so much.


Our beautiful redheaded Archie gets distracted by our mysterious dark haired new girl in town. Unsurprisingly, new girl cockblocks Betty straight away. 

 

The future doesn't look bright for our dear Betty and Archie. Looks like new girl Veronica is throwing a spanner in those works. However, it turns out maybe our dear Veronica isn't the spanner we thought she might be.


Plus, Archie seems to have his eye elsewhere... Turns out him and Miss Grundy have been getting it on. Just thought I'd mention this now, I absolutely despite Miss Grundy. From the moment her face appeared on screen I knew it would irritate me evermore. 


But then major bombshell! They were sleeping together on the day of the redhead disappearance, and even more coincidentally they were AT THE RIVER and happened to hear a GUNSHOT. What?! Damn, that's some unlucky coincidence. 


Miss Predator (formerly known as Grundy) tries to pretend it was fireworks going off, and not a gunshot. Because she's a coward. Ugh this woman. She just gets worse and worse. 

Then we have cheerleading tryouts. Veronica and Betty kiss randomly. They make the team. But Mumma Betty is having none of it.


Meanwhile...

And then we get the classic high school dance.


Miss Predator decides to give Archie song 'lessons' before school. Note my extreme joy. Then our fave Archie/Betty friendship gets a bit damaged.


Miss Predator looks over at Archie ruins the moment. He's all gooey in love and poor Betty gets rejected. Awkward. So, everyone goes to the redhead's mansion for an after party. And our innocent redhead decides to slap Betty with some more crappiness by getting everyone to play Seven Minutes in Heaven. This is going to end so well.


Surprise surprise. Veronica and Archie get 7 minutes in heaven. They establish that they both really care about Betty. Betty is the main priority. So much love and respect for Betty.


Betty runs off, understandably upset. They decide to look for her separately. Archie runs into our narrator, Jug, who seems to know everything about everyone. Gets some relationship advice. Thanks Jug, whoever you are. Our very own Riverdale Gossip Girl?


So Archie goes and finds Betty, to properly reject her this time. 


And poor Betty cries and goes inside. Meanwhile... our GBF Kevin is about to get it on when Redhead appears and TOTALLY KILLS THE MOOD.


Note: Gunshot wound in forehead. OOOOOOOOOOOO. And that is where we leave the episode. I am officially hooked.

Some notes:
- I want a milkshake so bad.
- Miss Grundy, I already hate you, why do you even exist? 
- I actually really like Archie, Betty, Veronica and Kevin as a crew.
-Who's this Jug guy? And how does he seem to know everything?
- Betty's mom is annoying.
- The pussycats slay! More songs pls. Loving the sass.
- Why did Veronica and Archie even kiss though? Think it was stupid.
- This recap was longer than anticipated, oops. #sorrynotsorry
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